Years of experience in a shared-parenting relationship taught me that clear, timely, and respectful communication is critical for the well-being of everyone involved. Communication that flows easily between co-parents can reduce the stress associated with living separate, yet parallel lives. It also provides co-parents the opportunity to role-model healthy human interaction. What greater gift can you give a child?
With that said, experience has also taught me that even in the most ideal situations, opportunities exist to improve information sharing between co-parents. With a multitude of different types of co-parenting relationships, getting from point A to point B isn’t always straightforward or easy.
Maintaining a steady flow of communication isn’t always easy because, more often than not, people feel that communication is complete when we share something with another person. From a process perspective, there are a number of steps to good communication and communication “glitches” can occur anywhere in the process. Good communication doesn’t end with a message left on a voice messaging system or with a stroke of a key as an email is sent. Good communication requires that a message receiver fully participate by getting the message, accepting it (physically and mentally), interpreting it, and responding when necessary.
How do you rate the communication flow between you and your co-parent? Need a new strategy? Life changes as the years pass. What worked in the past may not fit in the present.
One simple way to improve communication is to create and maintain a shared online calendar where important dates, vacation schedules, doctor appointments, etc. are added. There are many online calendaring options available. Google calendar is an example of a simple and no cost method for sharing information.
Of course a shared calendar won’t work for everyone. In shared parenting relationships there is no “one size fits all.” Maintaining a shared calendar requires a commitment to keep the calendar up-to-date and check it regularly. If you are game to try, begin by brainstorming ground rules. What types of messages, appointments, and events will be stored on the calendar. How often will the calendar be updated and checked? The possibilities are limited only by your imagination and creativity!
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
Wonderful insights and tips in this post. Co-parenting is never easy but with good respectful communication, planning and diligence, children can be raised in a healthful, loving way.