The dictionary defines legacy as anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor. Whether we realize it or not, each of us travels through life leaving a legacy trailing behind us like bread crumbs sprinkled on the ground for others to follow. What trail are you blazing? Are you happy with it?
Happy or not, what is perhaps more important than an illustrative question, is the knowledge that we have the ability to mold the legacy we leave for others. We can change or modify a legacy left behind by our predecessors, or create a totally new legacy of our making, particularly where our children are concerned. It doesn’t happen in a day however—legacy doesn’t set quickly into stone like concrete in a newly poured sidewalk.
It can takes years, and certainly took me a long time as a single parent and then a remarried parent to co-create a legacy of collaboration, respect, and trust. A legacy that my children and grandchildren will hopefully feel is worth carrying on. Has it been easy? No! Was it, or is it now perfect? There is no such thing! Has it been worth it? Most definitely!
In fact, every year I get the chance to see a snapshot of the legacy I continue to co-create with my children’s father, from whom I divorced many years ago. I use the word snapshot, because legacy is built along a sometimes crooked continuum—it is an ongoing and glorious work in progress. At times it can be fragile and the road marked with potholes. At other times it is a brilliant masterpiece with the stars and planets lining up in perfect order.
During summer visits by my daughter and her family, my ex-husband and I still coordinate and negotiate schedules and calendars for the three weeks they are here. We take turns driving our daughter and grandkids back and forth to each other’s houses, split the time they spend at each house, and still use my mother’s house as a middle meeting place when it works out. Our current spouses pitch in as well. At times it gets hectic, but seeing my daughter happy, and our grandsons transition so easily from family to family makes it all worth it. To them, it is totally normal to have six sets of grandparents!
So, back to the question, “What trail are you blazing?” Remember, it isn’t set in stone. You can widen the existing trail or start a new one. It’s your decision. If I may, however, in my years of trailblazing or “legacy blazing,” I have found the following helpful:
• Awareness
• Patience
• Respect
• Humor
• Communication
• Tolerance
• Forgiveness
• Trust
• Lots of love
Happy trails to you!
Photo courtesy of Sweet Light Studio, Minneapolis, MN. I think the grandsons are whispering about what a cool grandma they have.
We are a continuum. Just as we reach back to our ancestors for our fundamental values, so we, as guardians of that legacy, must reach ahead to our children and their children. And we do so with a sense of sacredness in that reaching. ~ Paul Tsongas
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